Straight up About a Cow

“Said he'd try to do the best he could if we'd only give him work

Though he didn't know straight up about a cow.”

Cowboy Song “Little Joe the Wrangler”

I am sometimes asked an interesting question: “Should I wear a cowboy hat? I'm not a cowboy.” the answer is yes. And no. And maybe. Many of us consider ourselves “Westerners” or “Texans” and feel we have a right to wear a “Western” hat. After all, a whole bunch of folks wear western style hats, including truck drivers, politicians, athletes, lion tamers, fashion models, Lady Gaga and Herman Munster. However the question remains, who has the right to wear a cowboy hat? Here is the best answer that I have.

There are amongst us men and women who understand the cowboy philosophy. Its laid out mostly in the movies by the Duke, Tom Mix, and Roy Rodgers, but it really existed among men who lived on the range. Honesty, integrity, grit, getting a job done, were qualities admired by men who lived in the days of the great cattle drives and later. A lying, lazy horse thief could get a man killed. The so-called “Cowboy way” is real among many Texans and lots of rural folks. We “grew up a-dreaming of being a cowboy” as Willie sang, and so we wear the clothes and style of the west. But we are not all cowboys. I myself know, in the words of my dad's favorite old song, I don't “know strait up about a cow.”

I am a bit of a horseman. I can ride pretty well as long as you don't run anything too rank under me. I have been told by a real cowboy who I think a great deal of, that “I would do to ride the river.” However I am not a cowboy by any means. I think the extent of my cow knowledge is that you don't brand them after you drench them with worm medicine. You who are cowboys of course will get this. The rest of you can ask a cowboy. It'll be like homework.

Lets set out with the definition of a cowboy. A cowboy, or cattleman, actually knows how to raise and work cattle. My friends Rodney, and Cody come to mind. Raised in the brush country, they have “cow sense.” They know about cows. My brother-in-law is a cowboy. He knows how to throw a rope. He knows about cow horses and Catahoula dogs and de-horning and stuff. I know that I like steaks, what my friend Hardin calls “dead cow.”

I got to know a gentleman named David, who came to the shop for a while the other day. He is a pretty damn good story teller. He was raised in Duval county, in the brush country. He told me that the man who taught him cattle working, showed him how to tell a barren cow from one that would produce a calf. He says he can still pick them out, and he is right almost 100% of the time. David is a cattleman or a cowboy or whatever term you wish to choose. He has the integrity of a cattleman. He doesn't care for disrespect. He does what he says he'll do.
 

By the way, cowboys have a lingo. I don't mean “get along little dogies” or “Yippi ti yay” either. There are words you hear a real cowboy use that gives them away. They might use the term “welty” for a trip around the pasture, or call a horse of a certain color a “grulla.” They might call you a “gunzel” if you do something particularly stupid. And remember in South Texas at least, don't call those leather things cowboys wear on their legs “chaps.” The local cowboys call them “leggings.”

Anyway, if you want to wear a cowboy hat, go ahead. Maybe you might want a gambler style or something like Waylon used to wear. That's cool. But don't go telling some lady from New Jersey that your a cowboy. Wouldn't be honest. Of course if your sitting in the Menger Bar and some attractive gal from New York or Minnesota asks “Are you a real Cowboy?” even the real hands might cut you some slack if you answer yes.