Straight up About a Cow

“Said he'd try to do the best he could if we'd only give him work

Though he didn't know straight up about a cow.”

Cowboy Song “Little Joe the Wrangler”

I am sometimes asked an interesting question: “Should I wear a cowboy hat? I'm not a cowboy.” the answer is yes. And no. And maybe. Many of us consider ourselves “Westerners” or “Texans” and feel we have a right to wear a “Western” hat. After all, a whole bunch of folks wear western style hats, including truck drivers, politicians, athletes, lion tamers, fashion models, Lady Gaga and Herman Munster. However the question remains, who has the right to wear a cowboy hat? Here is the best answer that I have.

There are amongst us men and women who understand the cowboy philosophy. Its laid out mostly in the movies by the Duke, Tom Mix, and Roy Rodgers, but it really existed among men who lived on the range. Honesty, integrity, grit, getting a job done, were qualities admired by men who lived in the days of the great cattle drives and later. A lying, lazy horse thief could get a man killed. The so-called “Cowboy way” is real among many Texans and lots of rural folks. We “grew up a-dreaming of being a cowboy” as Willie sang, and so we wear the clothes and style of the west. But we are not all cowboys. I myself know, in the words of my dad's favorite old song, I don't “know strait up about a cow.”

I am a bit of a horseman. I can ride pretty well as long as you don't run anything too rank under me. I have been told by a real cowboy who I think a great deal of, that “I would do to ride the river.” However I am not a cowboy by any means. I think the extent of my cow knowledge is that you don't brand them after you drench them with worm medicine. You who are cowboys of course will get this. The rest of you can ask a cowboy. It'll be like homework.

Lets set out with the definition of a cowboy. A cowboy, or cattleman, actually knows how to raise and work cattle. My friends Rodney, and Cody come to mind. Raised in the brush country, they have “cow sense.” They know about cows. My brother-in-law is a cowboy. He knows how to throw a rope. He knows about cow horses and Catahoula dogs and de-horning and stuff. I know that I like steaks, what my friend Hardin calls “dead cow.”

I got to know a gentleman named David, who came to the shop for a while the other day. He is a pretty damn good story teller. He was raised in Duval county, in the brush country. He told me that the man who taught him cattle working, showed him how to tell a barren cow from one that would produce a calf. He says he can still pick them out, and he is right almost 100% of the time. David is a cattleman or a cowboy or whatever term you wish to choose. He has the integrity of a cattleman. He doesn't care for disrespect. He does what he says he'll do.
 

By the way, cowboys have a lingo. I don't mean “get along little dogies” or “Yippi ti yay” either. There are words you hear a real cowboy use that gives them away. They might use the term “welty” for a trip around the pasture, or call a horse of a certain color a “grulla.” They might call you a “gunzel” if you do something particularly stupid. And remember in South Texas at least, don't call those leather things cowboys wear on their legs “chaps.” The local cowboys call them “leggings.”

Anyway, if you want to wear a cowboy hat, go ahead. Maybe you might want a gambler style or something like Waylon used to wear. That's cool. But don't go telling some lady from New Jersey that your a cowboy. Wouldn't be honest. Of course if your sitting in the Menger Bar and some attractive gal from New York or Minnesota asks “Are you a real Cowboy?” even the real hands might cut you some slack if you answer yes.

Take Your Hat Off!

I was talking to an older lady recently. She lost her husband a few years ago. He was a typical South Texas rancher, down to the standard silver belly hat. She told me that her husband didn’t care much for the manners of men who wear hats these days. He didn't understand why the younger generation was totally ignorant of how to wear a hat and the etiquette involved. I guess it is indicative of the fact that we don't teach young men manners anymore. I think we ought to bring etiquette back with a vengeance.

 

I am reminded of a young fellow I know. He is of the generation that wears one of those elastic band caps with the perfectly flat visor. They leave the stickers from the store on the underside of the visor. The cap usually has the logo from some yankee sports team on the front. I personally wouldn't wear a cap like that to a low-rent chicken fight, but to each, his own. This guy wore his cap into a certain South Texas restaurant where the sea food is magnificent. There is a sign on the door that reads “Gentlemen please remove your hats.” The people who own this place are very serious about this issue. It is known far and wide that to eat in this place you need to take your lid off. This young jackanapes didn't want to take off his cap because it might mess up his hair. He spent a great deal of time getting it the way he wanted and was particularly vain about it. Why he made the Einstein-like choice of putting on a silly cap, I have no clue. The owners almost had to ask him to leave before he finally took off his hat. My inclination would have been to snatch off the cap and raised a knot on his head with a serving spoon.

My father taught me how to wear a hat. He taught me that a hat looks coolest when you tilt it over your right ear. He taught me that a snap-brim fedora looks great with a classic leather jacket. He also taught me when I needed to take the damned thing off and show that I had some manners and class. This was a matter of learning by example, as I don't recall ever being specifically taught the rules. So I have decided to write up my own little list of hat etiquette rules. They might not totally match up with what others were taught, but I would wager that there pretty close.

Dave's Hat Rules

1. Take your hat off when you meet a lady on the street or in a social situation. When you are introduced for the first time to a lady whip off your hat off and shake her hand. This shows good breeding. These days it surprises most women so much that it kind of throws them off guard. Usually I get a pleasant smile and a look of surprise.

2. Take your hat off when you sit down to eat. It shows reverence to the God who provided the food. If your an atheist, agnostic, or devotee of Ashtar or something, then remove your hat in honor of the people who prepared the food.

3. Take your hat off when you go into a ladies home. It is out of respect for the sanctity of the home. You can leave your hat on in some bachelor's bulls nest, or some dude's “man cave,' but take it off as you walk into a proper home.

4. Church. Take off your hat in church. Why have men forgotten this? I've seen perfectly sane non-bonehead guys walk into church with their lid on. You should take of your hat when others pray, and once again, if you don't believe, do it anyway out of respect.

5. Tip your hat to a lady on the street. In Texas we don't tip our hats to other men. They are  lucky we don't just hit them with a short length of rebar.

6. You can leave your hat on in a dance hall. I have heard some rumors that this wasn't allowed back in the “old brown shoe” days. I think that it's perfectly fine these days. Maybe at a formal dance like a prom you might want to take off your hat. I am long past the prom stage so I guess I am in the clear.

7. You can leave your hat on in anyplace that could be designated as “a beer joint.” It's probably not a good thing that your hanging around in a beer joint. You need to leave your hat on in case you have to get away in a hurry. You wouldn't want to forget your hat and go back while chairs were flying around the place. In fact the true test of a good Texas hat is that it will frighten women and children and starts a fight in a Wyoming beer joint. They call them saloons out west.

8. My brother-in-law Rocky says that you should switch to straw hats about Easter and then back to a felt hat somewhere around labor day. I'm not sure about this. A lot of the old timers wore a felt hat all year around. I have noticed that my friend Craig seems to do this. This seems to go for western hat wearers as well as the fedora types. You never saw Broderick Crawford wearing a sporty straw porkpie, no matter how hot it was. Straw hats are for sure more comfortable in the heat, but I wear my felt to formal things even in the summer.

9. When the flag passes by in a parade, or they run it up the pole at the ball game. Take off your hat. If your just not patriotic, than I suggest you go live in Sri Lanka. Of course a lot of young men have forgotten this rule and I think it is perfectly acceptable to gently remind them by hitting them upside the head with any convenient object, a tire tool for instance.

All joking aside we should teach our children, especially our boys, manners. The rules of chivalry, opening doors for ladies and older folks, hat etiquette, proper introductions, should be enforced. I know there are some women who who think these things sexist. The truth is that these signs of deferment to women and our elders show THEIR superiority to us, not to indicate that they are weaker or lesser humans.

Anyway, next time you meet a lady for the first time, take your damned hat off!

Campaign Hat Blues

I get special requests for historical hats. One of the first was the "Boss of the Plains" that I made for my old friend  Rodney. If you don't know what I'm talking about your probably not a big hat person. The first popular "cowboy" hat was Stetson's "Boss of the Plains" first produced in 1865. It was a light weight, weather proof open crowned hat that was virtually indestructible. It was a challenge to build for Rodney, because the "Boss" had straight sides and my blocks are tapered. I got her done though and it has had some major testing, since Rodney wears his hats year around and in all weather. He tells me his lid is holding up well even with all the recent rain.


It's the hat Jimmy Rodgers was talking about when he sang:
"I'm going to town honey what you want me to bring you back?
Bring a bottle of booze and a John B. Stetson hat."

I sing that to myself quit frequently when I am in the shop alone for long periods of time.

I've been working on a campaign hat for my friend Cody. Actually two campaign hats. For you non-military types, this is a hat issued to the United States military for use in the field and on campaign. The one you might be most familiar with is the drill instructors hat, aka the “Smokey the Bear” hat. probably wouldn't call it that in front of  R. Lee Ermey.

Cody wants an 1876 and a 1883 campaign hat. The first one is black and the other is in a “drab” or tan color.  If have both of them blocked out and I await the shipment of some ribbon to complete the hats. Your probably asking yourself, "what's the most interesting thing about making campaign hats?" You probably won't believe this, but its the vents.

The what?

Probably scratching your head right now and wondering if I spend too many long hours in my little shop trying to think up new ways of making bows, discussing politics with Leroy the hat dummy. I do that, but its not why I like the vents on a 1883 campaign hat.

Some models of this hat had screen vents similar to those you would find on a modern “Boonie” hat our service people are wearing this very moment in Iraq and Afghanistan. Venting a hat to allow air is an old practice. I have seen Civil War era lids with holes poked in the crown to allow air in to cool the wearers head and give some relief in the heat. 

Some later campaign hats hat little fan blades in the vents. This is a classic example of someone who had way too much time on his hands. You are the officer in charge of designing this new hat, and your out at a fort on the plains of Kansas and you are pretty bored. "Why don't we just put little fans in our hats?" you say to yourself. Probably promoted the guy to colonel for that idea.

 The 1883 also had vent holes that were arranged  in a pattern, either a star or a snowflake configuration. This is how I've done the vent holes in Cody's hat, in the snowflake. Here is Leroy the Hat dummy modeling the 1883.

I really like the way this looks combined with the simple crease. I think I could put this pattern in a modern hat and it would look cool.

The other complicated issue in the 1883 was that two lines of machine stitching is run along the edge of the brim for stiffness. The Singer Slant-O-Matic has been giving me fits these days due to thread tension. It is a temperamental beast on a good day, but I finally got the brim stitched. My battles with the Singer "Rocketeer" as the old timers called this model of machine are the subject of another blog.

The final touch is going to be the ribbon and a very ornamental bow that was on the original hats. got to wait on that since I have to order the correct color. Finished, it should resemble this hat.

Thanks to Cody for another challenge.